I had unsolicited Kundalini/Holy Spirit awakening (many years ago) and was not sure what to make out of the many types of Initiations I was undergoing, and wished (early 2000) I had someone who understood what I was going through - had someone I could get feedback from. I didn't study mystical texts, didn't aspire to be 'spiritual' at all, still it 'happened' because I was already rokin' the Saint stage but didn't know it. . . even though the proof was right in front of my eyes (and spiritualized consciousness). This Proof presented itself in Summer 1994 - it was when I discovered 'by fluke' I had a blue ribbon of Light next to my skin and a vast golden Light aura-field around my head and body (and still have that journal scribble).
My husband suggested contacting one Rabbi (whose lecture he enjoyed years earlier), so I found his phone number and called. His wife answered and profusely apologized he couldn't speak to me that because he had meetings all day due to a 'high holiday' - and invited kindly to call again.
The moment passed and I didn't call back.
Then I read The Flame of Love - Theology of the Holy Spirit, penned by Dr. Clark H. Pinnock, and wanted to speak with him! I found his home address but chickened out. Instead, I called McMaster Divinity college and inquired about his courses. I wept and babbled about financial stresses, shared a bit of what I was experiencing, and the nice professor (not Pinnock) I was speaking with, assured me someone like me who was 'touched by God's Grace' shouldn't worry about that - said, nothing should prevent me from doing what I was called to do.
Within few days I received info package in a beautiful burgundy binder ... then there was the "one car" (transportation) problem, and that was the end of that endeavor.
Simply put, my life situation (one paycheck family) forced me to submit to, and rely on God's Grace. In due time I realized that what was 'happening to me' was a transformation of epic proportions - a shift to Soul level mode of being which renders one 'fully transparent to the depths of the Divine' - and did not seek others for any whatsoever support.
I placed all of my trust in the hands of that Immense Intelligence to do to me what it Wills.
I have had a share of both really ecstatic experiences, as well the kind,
'which almost always involve wrenchingly bodily ordeals as they ("genuine mystics") bring Spirit down and into their bodily being via descending or incarnational Agape.'
-Ken Wilber's quote from, The Eye of Spirit.
Few days ago I saw (first time) Sri Ramana Maharshi quote, and am glad to say this has been my attitude/practice (natural surrender) even during the toughest times:
Place your burden at the feet of the Lord of the universe who is ever victorious and accomplishes everything. Remain all the time steadfast in the heart, in the Transcendental Absolute. God knows the past, present and future. He will determine the future for you and accomplish the work. What is to be done at the proper time. Don't worry. Abide in the heart and surrender your acts to the Divine.
(Years ago) I recall one poignant moment when I said to God-Mind: It is not up to me to convince others of Your Existence . . . This is why I say, again and again, what I share is the Communication of the Divine Logos from the Source of its Nature as revealed by the ascended self-Soul (for the sake of all beings, for the sake of evolution of consciousness). It is my duty to uphold and carry forward the Legacy of "great" Mystics.
Gopi Krishana is on board with what I am asserting:
The men and women who have undergone this transformation and now have this expanded consciousness are known to be in the Samadhi state of oneness with the cosmic consciousness. All the great mystics who have written on the subject have given their own symptoms openly and plainly. That is the tradition. And from their descriptions, one can compare one's own condition.
I endured and my eternal self-Soul fulfilled her ancient plan . . .
I Am Aware
I Am the Anointed & the Anointing One
Self-Generating Bliss
In Loving Oneness
With Everything That's Arising
What is the take away message in what I shared here? I would say, as one journeys through the labyrinth of this Path, solidity of character (pure intentions and motivations) and the kind of surrender that Trusts that the Divine Grace 'knows best', is the most important thing.
May You Find Inspiration In This Testimony.
