"Mission is a Spirit event - it is God's mission, not ours"
"Mission is not human effort responding to a commandment. It is not even obedience to the Great Commission. It is natural and spontaneous. Only after the Spirit fell did the disciples speak (Acts 2:4)"
Long before reading these words in Flame of Love - A Theology of the Holy Spirit, authored by Clark H. Pinnock - I scribbled (dream journal) "Jul. 27/94', description of:
"The Mission dream! I was flying around with my arms streached out yelling to people "You are divine! You are divine!" . . . watching them disapearing . . ."not ready to hear it". One blond girl rose up from sleep and sobbed with joy. We embraced!" (I was very blond when little).
Truth be told, ever since I was a little girl my heart-sense felt alive with a type of energy that sensed, but could not name that wich compelled me to 'act' on it.
Few examples:
My child-self once drew a large circle in the ground, then stood gazing at the star-studded sky.... almost trembling - so intense was her wanting to know this Something she sensed but could not name.
My destiny was already whispering:
I felt the future before it arrived. I carried a destiny too large for my body to hold, and no idea I made a vow long before I was born. A vow to serve, to witness, to carry the flame that would not go out even when the world tried to smother it.
In 1990', during intensly heated philosophical 'discussion' with my best friend and best husband in the word who wanted nothing more than for me to be happy. . .Screaming at the top of my voice: "WHAT IS REAL TRUTH!? WHAT IS REAL BEAUTY!?"
He shouted back: *it had nothing to do with him* but I was not to be outshouted. . .Some minutes later he suddenly got all quiet, walked over to the far end of the room, sat on the far end of the couch, and with quick glances in my direction and shooing-away hand-gestures, pleaded: "Don't do that, I can't see you" (several times).
When the dust setlled he said: "Your head was like the Sun, I couldn't see you." I was surprised he said that - no idea what what that was about - but thought maybe I can find a book which would explain such phenomenon. I tried, but not very hard to read this and that in 'Buddhist' books.
Reading books was not at the top of my list. I was busy with all things 'domestic'.
From time to time I would ask him to describe what he witnessed that day and he did. Several years later (I had few students by then) it suddenly occur to me to ask again:
"How long was my head lit up for?".... He responded with irritated tone: "Why are you always asking me about it? . . .I don't know, three or four minutes."
He just wanted to have a normal and happy wife!
I kept asking, because I never heard such a thing! I understood why it happened after something just as 'unacany' happened in sleep state . . . when my hand reached out for a pillow, the inside of my head lit up like the Sun. 'Wobbling' at first because it was so startling then filling the walls of my awarenss with pure gold brightness - and confirmed later by a passage in Three Pillars of Zen, authored by Roshi Philip Kapleau - in the chapter on Enlightenment Experiences.
"...after this I went to a zazen meeting at which Yasutani roshi delivered a teisho on the "Three Gates of Oryu," a koan from Mumonkan. At one point he was saying: "How does your hand compare with the hand of a Buddha? Reaching out in your sleep for your dislodged pillow, instinctively you recover it. One's whole being is no different from this timeless hand. When you truly realize this, you will spontaneously burst into laughter."
