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Happily Blaming my WAYS on Karma

Some months ago one particularly nasty  gaslighter (man) on Facebook -- Integral Global  group open to public -- insisted I need to urgently  seek help for my mental condition.  Few snippets of what he said to me: "you come across to me as a milder version of Adi Da (...)  (who) turned out to be an absolutely pathological nightmare. " +  "you come across as someone with either temporal lobe epilepsy, bipolar disorder, or a history of deep trauma that has produced dissociative states and grandiose coping skills."
That, I suffer from "delusional preoccupations". All that, and much more he told me,  because he thinks he is enlightened and his job is to declare me delusional, etc.  Been there, danced this crazy dance with other not enlightened  minds  calmly.  I am  happy to say he left the group.

Of course I am all that he says I am, because this is what his ego/surface mind and its intellect sees.
Of course I  have been  mentally ill all of my life! How else  can one explain the altruism my twelve year old was capable of the day she did something so kooky, it made her heart glad.
True story:
I remember well how excited my twelve year old self was when I gathered enough money for my pass to see a movie. I accomplished this feat by collecting enough bottles and washed with sand and water, before taking them to the recycling station, in an exchange for some cash.
All of town's kids (in Poland) were in same anticipatory mood to see the movie. I left the house early and it turned out others did too, because the line was long already. This show was a one day event.
We waited patiently till the theater's ticked counter opened, and then slowly but surely inched closer and closer to the desired goal. Unfortunately, by the time I got to the  ticked window, the lady behind the counter yelled out "last ticket!" - to those (still many) standing in line behind me.
So, what does this insane kid do?  I turned to the boy behind me and said, "go ahead, you can have it". He said, "are you sure?".....  I nodded 'yes'. . . .  and,  my lil' heart was happy for him!

I was definitely insane the day I decided to end a cold war between couple of girlfriends (at work). Those two started each day with hugs and cheerful talk-sharing...until they stopped  and wouldn't even look at each other.  I had no idea what circumstance brought on this stand off, but  after few days of their mutual silent treatment, I spoke to one of them - the one who seemed sadder than the other -  by gently encouraging her to go up to her friend and ask: "are you still  mad at me?" I said, her friend looks sad and might be ready to talk.   . .Minutes later they were both yelling! (releasing hurt feeling), and within minutes their friend-love was back on track.

I remember well  the day I got really angry when I heard one of our (co-worker)  friend's teeth got knocked out by a bully,  and confronted him.  . .My action inspired others to stand up to him, and the bully fired himself the next morning.  The boss thanked me "for what you did".
I wrote about this incident in 'The Green Eyed Monster'? (I have green eyes)

I am definitely  mentally ill, because even though on strict budget, I helped to build a water well somewhere in Africa (through Christian Ministry organization).

Yeah, I must have been deeply traumatized,  when my indignant four year old self, declared:
"I will dance for God!", when Gran tried to teach me prayers. Gran told me this story with  eyes shining tenderly when I was a young teen.
I was  very insane because I often danced on a way to school to express the JOY I was feeling.
I danced on a beach alone   under the sky's  star-studded canopy ... how insane is that for a 19 years old?

Chasing butterflies in fragrant with wild flowers meadow was so much fun!  Making flower wreaths and wearing them....sure sign of  lunacy! - and am happy to say there is no cure for that.
Hanging out on tree branches and singing sweetly? Definitely very strange...but  am glad no one placed me in the asylum for the insane.

I had very intelligent parents and tons of friends and several siblings  to interact with, but I also craved solitude.  In a very secluded part of the garden I  performed all manner of bodily contortions and called it 'gymnastics'. Many years later (in Canada),  learned that those contortions were very advanced yoga poses. . .In this very spot, in dream state I found chunks of pure gold, and knew that the  Vision signified: 'only within your innermost interiority  one has access to something precious, something which book knowledge can't give.'

To some, my 'noble' character traits  and decades worth of Depth data in spiritual science, are interpreted as 'sickness'. One who doesn't know me and doesn't comprehend what forces animate me, has no choice but think this. . .And if I was psychologically fragile during the many years of being bullied by gaslighters in all their furious glory, I would have become a total wreck years ago. And the reason no one can 'brake' me, is because I have been in a permanent Samadhi state -- or Grace bestowed Peace and Bliss, the result of the Descent of Divine Peace, the descent of Force/Power, the descent of Light -- for a long time. Soul infused personality doesn't fear other's judgments, is not at all caught up in a patterns of people pleasing or controlling tactics. . .In other words, the Sovereign One can't be bullied into submission by emotional manipulators. Once the Holy Spirit / Kundalini Goddess grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and showed me who the Boss is, I prayed: YOUR WILL NOT MINE BE DONE! This is why I unopologetically bear witness to what was DONE to me and boldly declare Divine Revelations.

My spiritual peer Sri Aurobindo affirms this:
"The ascent is the first step, it is a means for the descent. It is the descent of new consciousness attained by the ascent that is the stamp and seal of the Sadhana. & This Yoga demands a full ascension of the whole lower or ordinary consciousness to join the spiritual above it and a full descent of the spiritual (eventually supramental) into the mind, life and body to transform it. The total ascent is impossible as long as sex drive blocks the way; the Descent is dangerous so long as sex-drive is powerfulin the vital."
 I happily blame my 'ways' on:
'This is the Way of the Divine-Love-in-Action  and I blame it on Karma'
 (the causes set in motion in prior incarnation manifesting their results in this one).

The me, whose heart broke open many years ago felt compelled to recite a Prayer for Humanity's healing at noon. The pain of being aware of humanity's suffering compelled me to beg ascended beings (Saints)  to:  "help us because we don't know what we're doing".
In my mind's eye I imagined my Angel self hovering above Earth's orb, Blessing its beings with Divine Light flowing through my hands...or, 'sending healing energy'  to all beings by placing hands on the globe,  felt very normal to me.
I have been know in Yogic (awake) sleep state to Bless beings standing along river's bank with the Sign of the Holy Cross,  while floating above gently flowing river's currents. . .
The same Love-River-Light made Pure by cultivating noble virtues,  I saw with the eye of contemplation  flowing out of my Heart chakra in all its eye-dazzling glory (not same experience as the one I shared in The River of Light, post).

What some call "pathological nightmare",  to others it is something else. Some think that the evolving personality is the same entity as the non-biological Light being/Soul. Sri Aurobindo reminds us:

"The psychic and spiritual transformation are within our mental conception: The supramental has a radically different awareness of things. Mentality cannot know its nature. It can only be known via the spiritualised mind. It can only begin to understand Supermind when we have connected to spiritualised mind. Our personal endeavor and aspirationn cannot reach Supermind; our is the life of ignorance. The higher spiritual planes create their own formulations in the depths within us..."

Edit-including 2021-05-27 William James words: his retort to the 'medical materialism, folks -- which folks like me are grateful for.

"We're surely all familiar in a general way with this method of discerning states of mind for which we have an antipathy. "Medical materialism" seems, indeed, a good appellation for the simple-minded system of thought which we are considering. Medical materialism finishes up St. Paul byy calling his vision on the road to Damascus a discharching lesion of the occipital cortex, he being an epileptic. It snuffs out St. Teresa as an hysteric, St. Francis of Assissi as an hereditary degenerate. George Fox's discontent with the shams of his age and his pining for spiritual veracity, it treats as symptoms of a disordered colon. All such mental tensions, it says, are, due to the perverted action of various glannds which physiology will yet discover."

Edit-expanded Cosmic Synchronicity & Confirmation

Finally got around to edit-improve & expand
 Cosmic Synchronicity & Confirmation

www.spiritspeaks-theofilia.blogspot.ca/2013/08/cosmic-synchronicity-confirmation.html

Heart's Wings Rock

My interest in Sri Aurobindo's spiritual partner Mirra's  work has not been  on my mind's radar very much, still I manged to read a bit here and there to see what her work was about. Recently I edit-improved one post (about her), titled Mother Mirra's 6th Vision - and will include link below.
Today, I am happy to include something I read few days ago, which is for those of us 'mystic types', verifying.  . .with Deepest Gratitude to Mirra's legacy.

There are people in whom psychic movement, the emotional impulse is stronger than the intellectual understanding. They feel an irresistible attraction for the Divine without knowing, without having the slightest idea of what it is, of what it can be, what it represents--nothing, no intellectual notion--but a kind of impulse, attraction, a need, an inevitable need.
And these people who have that, if, I may say as a result of the Grace, they have a mind which does not trouble them, does not question, does not discuss, go very fast. And then, what is quite miraculous according to ordinary ideas is that as soon as they reach the degree of consecration which identifies them through their psychic being with the Divine Presence, suddenly they become endowed with capacities of expression absolutely unknown to their nature. . .

There are others who understand first, who are very intellectual, have studied, can play with words and ideas, who will give you brilliant lectures on all the philosophies, all the religions, all human conceptions and who, perhaps, will advance one step. Because all that goes on in their head. Many things go on in their head...the head is like a public square,,,Anything at at all can enter there, come, cross over, go out, and create a lot of disorder.
And people who are in the habit of playing with ideas are the ones most hampered from going further. It is a game that's pretty attractive; it gives you the impression that you are not altogether ordinary, at the level of ordinary life, but which cuts the wings. It's not the head which has wings: its the heart.
Quoted with permission from Mr. Sandeep
www.auromere.wordpress.com/transformation/triple/psychic/

This is also why, it is  impossible to change someones mind that thinks our testimonies are  pure fantasy designed to make us feel 'special'.
I know I don't feel special. I know what I bear witness to, is.
Those of us who know better, know that what we bear witness to (genuine supramental experiences, or Initiations into Deep Mystery)  is not the result of  subconscious mind's dive into its  desire-producing hallucinatory  formations (fantasy),  definitely not  the result of mind altering substances.

Link to Mother Mirra's 6th Vision
www.spiritspeaks-theofilia.blogspot.ca/2011/02/the-mothers-mirra-6th-vision.html

Link to Fifth Stage Integration

In its revised form - originally written in 2009 -
link to much improved Fifth Stage Integration

www.spiritspeaks-theofilia.blogspot.ca/2009/07/fifth-stage-integration.html

Soul Level Initiation's DNA

My Depth data includes descriptions of many types of Soul level Initiations...And what I describe feels so ordinary to me,  that often times I fail to clarify this or that point.  Thankfully, it occurred to me to say that Soul level Initiations, are not  in the same class-category as 'spiritual'  experiences leading up to that level. Subtle level experiences can be nothing more than minds dive into subconscious wish-fulfilling constructs, or drug induced hallucinations . .
This is why I don't expect someone who has not reached the Saint stage-level, then went beyond,  to truly comprehend  what it is I am  describing. I can't compel anyone to comprehend the meaning contained in the words and occasionally  remind folks, that,   'what I share was never meant to be seen by someone who is not ready to submit to the Supreme Divine'.

If someone asked me:
'What is Soul Initiation's DNA?'
I would say: Based on first-person experiences, I know with absolute certainty that  it's
distinctive quality is self-revealing  (Divine Revelation)-- because its source is none other than the Divine Beloved  whose Genetic Code is passed down to one's non-biological Light Being / Soul.
On Rapture Musings www.spiritspeaks-theofilia.blogspot.ca/2009/06/on-rapture-musings.html gives  three types of  examples of what kind of  Initiations (out of countless others)  are needed before one  gets  fully seeded  with the Divine Beloved's Essence . . .

One who stands in Soul-power bears witness to the fact that at this juncture one becomes an opening through which Divine Light flows into worlds hologram without ceasing  (via subtle planes for the benefit of all beings).
I  look to my spiritual peers for verification  and am glad to say I have been granted the authority to proclaim what the  Bhagavad Gita Seer asserted:
I am the Field and the knower of the field.
Post titled: The River of Light Revisited,  explains what happens when one becomes an opening through which Divine Light flows....
www.spiritspeaks-theofilia.blogspot.ca/2019/04/the-river-of-light-revisited.html

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What I describe,  has its roots deeply seeded in the  supramental plane of existence in the subliminal depths (within),  where 'the higher spiritual planes create their own formulations'.
Aurobindo's work verified for  me what I already knew to be TRUE, but was still in the process of putting it into words. . .and the  reason, I named him my spiritual peer.
Today, with heart-felt gratitude,  I am including (for-me-verifying) passages from Sri Aurobindo's piece titled:  Seven Drafts On Supramental Yoga.

The aim of ordinary Yoga is to liberate the soul from Nature or, perhaps sometimes, to liberate the soul in Nature. Our aim is to liberate both the soul and nature into the Divine. Our aim is to pass from the Ignorance into the Divine Light, from death into Immortality, from Desire into self-existent Bliss, from limited human-animal consciousness into all-consciousness and God-consciousness, from the ignorant seeking of mind into self-existent knowledge of Supermind, from obscure half-animal into luminous God-force..." 
The first word of the supramental Yoga is surrender; its last word is also surrender. It is by a will to give oneself to the eternal Divine, for letting into the divine consciousness, for perfection, for transformation, that the Yoga begins; it is in the entire giving that it culminates; for it is only when the self-giving is complete there comes the finality of the Yoga; the entire taking up into the supramental Divine, the perfection of being, the transformation of the nature."
To become one in our absolute being with the ineffable Divine and in the manifestation a free movement of his being, power, consciousness and self-realising joy, to grow into divine Truth-consciousness beyond mind, into a Light beyond all human or earthly lights, into a Power to which the greatest strengths of men are a weakness, into the wisdom of an infalibble gnosis and the mastery of an unerring and unfailing divinity of Will, into a Bliss beside which all human pleasure is as the broken reflection of a candle-flame to the all-pervading splendour of an imperishable sun, but all this not for your own sake (but) for the pleasure of the Divine Beloved, this is the goal and the crown of the supramental path of Yoga.
intyoga.online.fr/draftpaz.htm

Spiritual Battle

Pushing back against  world's density is like trying to reverse river's flow with a feather. Still we do it, because one who 'knows better' has a moral obligation to do the thing that supports Evolution's Intent - on the world's still evolving, still developing, stage - even if it seems antithetical to what many suppose 'spirituality' or 'morality' aught to be about.
Some morality pretenders -- those whose egos are not plugged to 'something bigger' -  think they are love and light incarnate. They are Pretenders, because they don't know that  divine/spiritual Love^Light is a Conscious Power,  not sentimentality. Conscious Power, not afraid  to kill figuratively, or literally, the 'enemy of Truth'.

Power of  ridicule  has only one agenda...to  shame and silence  someone whose worldview  differs from  the abuser.   One of my most ardent  gaslighters  on Facebook's  public Integral Global group, told me recently:
"Stop pretending to have deep insights about the transpersonal stages".
I know exactly why he has no choice but cling to this view-point (cognitive dissonance), still I can't let this bully's power-over tactics to go unchecked.  .  .This is why (again) I informed him why he does that:
"Your narrow mind can't comprehend the meaning contained in the written word at the Clear Light stage-level. (as an 'enduring trait', not 'insight'  glimpsed in 'peak experience'). In other words, your mind can't SEE that what I bear witness to is the Communication of the Divine Logos from the source of its Nature. . . You can't SEE that what I share is grounded in multidimensional evolution into wholeness and transcendence as revealed by my fully ascended (non-biological) Light / Immortal being."

Gaslighters tell me what I share is for the purpose of "self-glorification".... one of them few days ago assured me:  "Claims of absolute truth, such as you make, Helen, are dangerous and have led to the killing of millions. It's fanatical bullshit".

Such notion comes from egoic conception....What I share has nothing to do with egoic desire to flaunt my 'magnificance'...Such motive is foreign to me!
What they say has everything to do with  their desire to assassinate my character. . .And, as long as I am insane (in their opinion), my decades worth of empirical evidence  in the Spirit Science field, is nothing but trash.

I am so grateful for my spiritual peers!
Gopi Krishna's statement on why it is important for someone like me to share what introduced itself to my fully ascended Soul, is very  gratifying. The following excerpt is from:
Kundalini For The New Age:
The men and women who have undergone this transformation and now have this expanded consciousness are known to be in samadhi state of oneness with the cosmic consciousness. All the great mystics who have written on the subject have given their symptoms openly and plainly. That is the tradition. And from their descriptions, one can compare one's own condition.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinions but not to their own facts . . .this is why I include verifiable (fact-checking) data from individuals whose eternal self-Soul reached same or similar status.

The intellect and its reasoning mind  (with its ability to utilize cognitive tools of conceptual abstractions) objects mightily to  anything that claims to be direct knowledge gained by going beyond the mind-line. Knowledge,  gained  by rising to the levels of perception  beyond the surface mind/intellect is  supramental knowingness.
 Sri Aurobindo confirmed this for me:

Mind cannot go outside its cycle--all ideas of a straight line of movement or of progress reaching infinitely upward or sidewise  into the Infinite is a delusion.
He also asserted - and I agree, because this happened to me:
If a soul of man is to go beyond humanity to reach either a supramental or still higher status, must pass out of this cosmic existence, either to a plane or world of Bliss and knowledge or into the unmanifest Eternal and Infinite.

What I bear witness to is grounded in multidimensional evolution into wholeness and transcendence.  My Karma placed me exactly where I needed to be  and I will never apologize for the Knowledge that introduced itself to the awareness of my fully ascended/liberated/immortal Soul.What I bear witness to is the Communication of the Divine Logos from the source of its Nature.
My duty to obey the inner call of my Vocation  for the benefit of all beings, for the benefit of evolution of consciousness itself.

I found confirmation of what this Kosmic address is about in the book titled:
The Tibetan Book Of The Dead - in the Glossary section, under "integration".  My copy is translated by Robert A.F. Thurman with Forward by the H.H. the Dalai Lama:

"Sanskrit yuganaddha is the Unexcelled Yoga Tantra name for Buddhahood, the fifth and highest of the perfection stages, indicating that relative and ultimate, individual and universal, body and mind, bliss and wisdom, male and female--all dualities--are integrated in the experience of fulfillment."

One who is plugged permanently to the bhava Samadhi stream (Divine Bliss) calmly responds to all manner of attacks.  The types of attacks the volatile ego most relishes in, is to  "hit hard" (assassinate) my character  for ignoring her aggressive attempts to 'enlighten' me.
Ego-personality whose traits include vanity,  grandiosity, desire to experience power through humiliation  -- due to the inexplicably powerful  must win  drive -- is relentless in its pursuits to take out anyone whose worldview is different.  Such a person can't differentiate between healthy and unhealthy ego expression and  is ever-ready to "hit  hard" (direct quote by she who said was surprised others didn't hit me "even harder").
She is utterly convinced it is her duty to set me straight (enlighten).  I have not the least desire to change her mind,  because truth be told, what I share was never meant to be seen by someone whose mind can't comprehend Soul level Revelations.
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To one who accuses me of  "only quoting" Aurobindo and Wilber", I  say:
How quaint of you to pretend I don't have decades worth of Depth data's empirical evidence in the Spiritual Science field.
To one who insists 'there is not a shred of evidence there is such a thing as a universal Evolutionary Force (some call Eros, or Spirit), I say nothing any more. . .because identity threatening cognitive dissonance is real.
To one who insists I am not 'rational', I say nothing anymore because what I share was never meant to be read by one who never had the experience of  permanently falling into the Supreme Light and merging with its Bliss-force.
To one who insists that,  (directed at me quote)
 'truly enlightened person is never certain about anything, but embraces the mystery and the uncertainty it harbors' ....I say this:
What is wrong with this assertion?
There is no such thing as 'enlightened person'.  Self-realized person, yes. Person can be Self-realized without the embodied part. . .but to call this 'true enlightenment', it is NOT.
How do I know this?
The Halls of the Highest Mystical Knowledge reside in the Living Libraries within the immortal/God-Realized Souls. . .those of us who become God-Realized by Merging with the Supreme Supracosmic Sachichdananda / the Light-Bliss of the Supreme Mind, realized in the Supramental plane.

There are many levels of enlightenment, but the True Enlightenment, is the one that happens at the apex of one's Soul evolution. . .At this juncture, the Supreme Shakti / Divine Force-Power-Bliss
Initiates  the Soul into supreme Knowledge.
This is why, when I say 'what I share is the Communication of the Supreme Divine from the Source of its Nature, I mean it literally.

None can reach heaven who has not passed through hell.
This the traveler of the worlds must dare.
- Sri Aurobindo (Savitri)

* I wrote this  -now edit-expanded- riff in Facebook group (public) named Integral Global,  in response to the latest attacks on me.