Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Did it Again!

New:  10/12/2017  Including edit-improved: Ascension Blues Good News
www.spiritspeaks-theofilia.blogspot.ca/2012/08/ascension-blues-good-news.html

05/12/17  adding link to post written Jan/2012 titled Supra-Cosmic BrideGroom Has my Back. I chose this title because I was the target of relentless  gaslighting (in a website that was supposed to be tolerant of mystical spirituality).
www.spiritspeaks-theofilia.blogspot.ca/2012/01/supra-cosmic-bridegroom-has-my-back.html

Did it gain:  if curious edit-improved  Yogini Notes written in 2009
www.spiritspeaks-theofilia.blogspot.ca/2009/12/yogini-notes-on-kundalinishaktipat.html
* Today 27/11 wrote in comments section couple of notes.

I'm not planning on deleting this post this is why I want to add this note:
When I began writing here I didn't imagine even one person would be interested in my scribbles and for many weeks didn't even occur to me to check if  someone did.   And when I did, and   saw this blog had hundreds of visitors, I was  surprised  because I told no one!  My goal was to write 'for my kids so one day they may know what I have been up to all those years'.
(Because)  I have been laughed  at - even told few years ago "you have nothing to contribute to evolution of consciousness" -  I wanted to write here without looking over my shoulder and deal with nasty gaslighters.
In my original profile I wrote  (only) "Student of Life".  I wanted to write anonymously, this is why I chose  to use made up avatar name Theofilia.  .  .  Then was very surprised when I  google-found-out this is a real name.  Now that I'm on Facebook (& included link to my wall earlier), I am no longer anonymous . . .and don't wish to be!  I have the right to be who I am and bear witness to what I know.

Spirit Speaks has visitors from  many parts of the globe - by now well over sixty one thousand  page-views (and each page has several posts).  I am  glad  there are folks who resonate with what I share.

*  Below, added link to post written in 2009.

Just looked at my post written one year ago titled Silence is Full of Answers,
 and decided it was in need of edit-improvement for clarity's sake.

www.spiritspeaks-theofilia.blogspot.ca/2016/11/silence-full-of-answers.html

I wrote On Rapture Musings in 2009 - and it was definitely in need of edit-improvement!
If curious
 www.spiritspeaks-theofilia.blogspot.ca/2009/06/on-rapture-musings.html


(I have many more posts to look at & make a decision to either delete or edit-improve).

Saturday, September 23, 2017

Contemplative Science

Spiritual, or Contemplative science is a deep topic because it is  a study grounded in multidimensional evolution into wholeness and transcendence - as revealed by the eternal/unborn self-Soul within the human body-mind complex, at the apex of her evolution.
The gates of eternal Freedom are encountered (we bear) in the depths of our being -  this is why any mental/conceptual-level assertion of the nature of Reality without empirical proof/evidence (Soul-level events/experiences) of how one got there is only that,  an assertion . It is nothing more than a translation of what someone else said.
We know that the  deconstructed  human  body is an atomic structure, a field of energy infused with consciousness that is connected with all energies / consciousness - including Pure Consciousness + Divine Bliss /  Bhavadgita's  supreme ecstasy (at the apex-point of one's evolution).
 Unification of the individual Soul with the (universal)  Supreme Beloved  results in permanent Samadhi. Such a thing is possible because  the relative / absolute  is holographicly entangled.
At this stage-point one is  qualified to say:
In service to the Dvivine
 I bear witness to the fact we are expressions of the same One.
  
Our pointing out instruction to one who is ready to submit to the Supreme Divine (within depth of your being) and become humanity's servant in  visible and invisible dimensions,  is this:

Surrender to Desire, follow its lead.
Allow its devouring fire burn to ashes karmic imprints.
We promise. . . .
When soul's transformation is complete, and
Desire has become not the object of knowing,
But a way of knowing, her spirit (Soul) 
Will move freely within Love's Essence.

At this stage  humanity's servant doesn't just  bask in (transcendent)  Beloved's bliss, we work hard because  of it. We work hard because we are literally one with all beings in the visible and invisible domains.
Such a feat is possible because of 'entanglement'.   In entanglement it is the sound-wave reproduction of the object's  Soul/Essence, not the actual transport/teleportation of one's matter body that gets attached/linked to the Original Subject (Supreme Divine).  It's a resonance thing.

In his brilliant book published in 2002 (I got it couple of weeks after it got published) titled Entanglement the Greatest Mystery in Physics, Amir D. Aczel writes:

Entanglement itself was thought to be within the realm of the imagination until science proved that it is a real phenomenon, despite its bizarre nature.
We know from de Broglie's work that particles have a wave-aspect to them, and that the wavelength associated with a particle can be computed. Thus, in principle, even a person can have an associated wave-function.  +

Two particles are mysteriously linked together. What happens to one of them immediately causes a change  in the other one, whether it is two two millimeters away or on the other side of the universe.

 Many argue no one has ever penetrated  the mystery of Reality.  Others think  one can become enlightened  by  looking at and mentally understanding  model of Reality. Scientific materialist insists  'rational' minds are more evolved, and someone like me must submit to their flatland explanations (I included Ken Wilber's quote explaining 'flatland' in one of my recent post), etc.
 I say,  I'm okay with that -  everyone has the right to their opinions as long as they don't insist theirs is the last word.

                                                                        *

 The Tibetan Book of the Dead - Liberation Through Understanding In the Between, is an excellent source-example of   what one might call   Contemplative Science.  I have a copy translated by Robert A.F. Thurman  (with his commentary), and today decided to quote couple of excerpts on 'Soul'.  This version-perspective also makes sense to me. Hope it will resonate with you, too.

From Glossary explanation on 'soul' & 'spiritual gene':

Soul.  That which is the deepest personal essence of a living being, which journey's from life to life and takes rebirth, and which becomes enlightened finally.
 (* I use terms such as: 'Union of the eternal self-Soul with the Essence of the Supreme Being, or 'Ultimate Consummation /  Shiva-Shakti's Erotic Embrace within one's interiority in place of 'enlightenment' - 'Supreme Enlightenment' is an experience & it is  not the same thing as Self-realization.)

The Buddha's famous teaching of selflessness has often been translated in the past as "soullessness," and was used to confirm the Western sense that Buddhism is nihilistic and atheistic. The Buddha rejected any absolute, unchanging, fixed, intrinsically substantial, intrinsically identifiable soul, just as he rejected the same kind of self or ego. But relative, changing, relational, living, conventional entities that can usefully be termed ego, self, and soul are never prohibited in Buddhist psychology. In the Natural Liberation in particular, the extremely subtle body-mind very much qualifies as the soul of the being who is undergoing death, the between, and liberation or rebirth.

Spiritual gene.  Sanskrit gotra refers to the subtle encodement within the life-continuum of an individual of the instinctual residue of her past lives' evolutionary experiences and actions, which is carried as a subtle "drop" into the next life, wherein it interacts with the physical genes from father and mother to determine the character of the being in that life. The Tibetan Buddhist vision is of conception is rather beautiful, a moment where the father's white drop meets the mother's red drop, and the individual's blue drop enters within their union.


This superb excerpt on 'extremely subtle body-mind' is from page 40

The Tibetan view is that everyone has such a subtle mind, and everyone traverses these experiences. But it takes special training to develop awareness of them, to experience them lucidly.
Finally, there is the extremely subtle body-mind, where the body-mind duality itself is abandoned. This is the indestructible drop, called "the energy-mind indivisible of clear light transparency."
Very hard to describe or understand, and not to be misconstrued as a rigid, fixed identity, this subtlest, most essential state of an individual being is beyond body-mind duality; it consists of the finest, most sensitive, alive, and intelligent energy in the universe. It is a being's deepest state of pure soul, where the being is intelligent light, alive and singular, continuous  yet changing, aware of its infinite interconnection with everything.

It is beyond all instinct patterns of lust, aggression,, or delusion, beyond all duality, one with reality, and one with the Truth Body of all Buddhas.  (skip)

Each living being is really just this indestructible drop at the extremely subtle level. This is the living soul of every being. It is what makes the boundless process of incarnation possible. It is the gateway into liberation, always open, essentially free, though the being evolved around it may identify itself with intensely turbulent states of suffering. It is peaceful, translucent, trouble-free, and uncreated. Knowing it is what made the Buddha smile. It is what makes Buddhas and living beings the same.

    This extremely subtle indestructible drop is very similar to the Hindu notion of the Self (atman) or Supreme Self (paramatman), which is reached as the absolute negation of all petty, individual, personality self. 

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Apollo Complex Decoded

Couple of days ago I chanced upon information  - penned by someone whose work I respect very much -  that  exposes the Materialist's  (scientisim)  flatland world-view for what it is.
Author of  'Apollo Complex'  is Ken Wilber - this excerpt is from The Atman Project, chapter 8, p.77.

My mind was, as the Buddhists say, that of a monkey: compulsively active, obsessively motive. And there I came face to face with my own Apollo complex, the difficulty in transforming from the mental sphere to the subtle sphere (or the soul as the Christian mystics use the term) is the beginning of the transpersonal realms; as such, it is supramental, transegoic, and transverbal.
But in order to reach that sphere, one must (as in all transformation) "die" to the lower capacity (in this case mental egoic).
The failure to do so or incapacity to do so is the Apollo complex. As person with Oedipus compllex remains unconsciously attached to the body and its pleasure principle, so the person with an Apollo complex remains unconsciously attached to the mind and its reality principle. ("Reality" here means "institutional, rational, verbal reality"), which, although conventionally real enough, is nevertheless only an intermediate stage on the path to Atman; that is it is merely a description of actual Reality itself, and thus, if clung to, eventually and ultimately prevents the discovery of that actual Reality. (skip)

... as it was, I was fortunate to make some progress, to be able to eventually to rise above the fluctuations of mental contractions and discover, however initially, a real incomparably more profound, more real, more saturated with being, more open to clarity. This realm was simply that of the subtle, which is disclosed, so to speak, after weathering the Apollo complex. (...)

From the subtle, one no longer 'gets lost in thoughts'; rather, thoughts enter consciousness with smoothness, grace, and clarity.

To read more www.kheper.net/topics/Wilber/psychic.html

If curious:

For in-depth teaching on 'evolving soul', take a look at how Aurobindo describes it. . . .
Will  add that,  I completely agree with his description of what the eternal self-Soul is, and is not.  (Psychic being and authentic Soul in Sri A teaching means the same thing).
 The following assertion is true  to one who 'sacrificed' its lower nature to the Divine:

The supramental change can take place only if the psychic (*Soul) is awake and is made the cheif support of the descending supramental power.

http://intyoga.online.fr/ppb5.htm


Friday, September 15, 2017

Moral Obligation - Divine Command

First, this note:  I looked at my post titled  'Logos Manna Shabd Crystal Rain' - one of the links  in  previous post - and decided 'twas about time to give it a proper edit-makeover.
The expanded look  includes few  verifying  (on transcended bliss) quotes from Aurobindo -  which I was not yet aware of at the time.

                                                                 *

In the stillness beyond the internal dialogue
Sword of Justice compels me to report that
which the Divine Logos disclosed 

The Truth doesn't need 'protection' because it is self-validating.  Truth is the foundation of authentic Knowingnes - the  type of Knowing  which comes on line *developmentally speaking* when one's eternal self-Soul gets plugged to (the) "I am the Field and the  Knower of the Field" -  as reported by  Bhavad Gita seer.
One who is not delusional  seeks individuals that are at the similar level of development  who write from the same level of consciousness (bhava Samadhi).  One of my community of the adequate  beings is Gopi Krishna -  I am grateful to him for saying in: Kundalini for the New Age (book):
All  the great mystics who have written on the subject have given their own symptoms openly and plainly. That is the tradition. And from their descriptions, one can compare one's own condition.  

Because what I share is not for personal gain,  I have the courage to  write about the things many jeer at (and attack my character).   I learned -  from comments on Facebook -  that drug induced hallucinations (from ingesting plant brews and other drugs)  are hailed to be the real deal - the real 'expansion of consciousness', thing.  I see  grasping mind's  wishful thinking. They don't ... and I'm okay with that,  as long as they don't claim theirs is the last word. . .
The last word belongs to those of us who know better -- this is why I feel compelled  to include Gopi Krishna's (clarifying) words:
 The real meaning of "Soma" refers to the internal processes of  sublimation leading to higher consciousness or Samadhi. Since soma is a Sanskrit term its interpretation should be based upon the ancient Vedic religious belief, NOT Western assumption of drug use.
There is no proof in the Vedas that actually mention any human drinking a herbal concoction; it was the Gods Indra and Agni who drank streams of this nectar and then conquered the Dragon or Serpent Vrtra (a symbol of Kundalini).
The hymns of the Vedas are symbolic allegories and shouldn't be interpreted literally, as the Vedas say directly that: "One thinks he has drunk Soma when they press the plant but the Soma the Brahmans know - no one eats that. 

I shake my head at  (my) lamely  written posts, but  also can't help but marvel at the intensity of the Evolutionary Impulse  compelling me to do this - despite my  lousy, or lazy writing  habits.
What I share is not meant to be seen by folks who are not ready to see  that which introduced itself to the consciousness of my eternal self-Soul.
I have an obligation to report on things that are not now,  never will  be acceptable to someone who is  focused on  chasing after intellectual pursuits,  or one who is enthralled by drug-induced states, or the many folks who  refuse to acknowledge  that  (authentic)  spiritual sciences is a legitimate profession.  This 'job' has been the focus of my attention and intention since I was a child. I didn't chose to be 'spiritual', the (transcendent)  One who is awake within my mortal coil, did.  

 I see what's going on in the 'spiritual circles' , this is why the following excerpt  (which I second) -  penned by Gopi Krishna in his book titled, The Man of the Future -  will be very offensive to one whose personality is filled with  (egoistic, 'what's in it for me')  desire to shine before others.

We are, therefore, face to face with a mighty problem when we try to find an explanation for the mental condition of religious teachers of the highest order. We have to account for the existence of not one but four outstanding attributes of the front rank mystic minds. They are Ecstasy, Moral Elevation, Psychic Powers and Genius. This remarkable combination is confined to this class and this class alone. Otherwise we find these attributes distributed singly and in too few cases.
The combination of even two out of them in one individual is extremely rare. The man of genius may not have moral elevation, ecstatic vision or psychic gifts, a medium may not have moral stature, vision or genius, and one prone to visionary states may not have the moral armor, psychic powers or the true genius of the true mystic.
In judging the prophet, the mystic and the real saint we have to take the startling fact into consideration that he (she) is in possession of all four rare and lofty attributes, each of which, even when singly present, confer distinction on one possessing it. There is no difference except one of degree between a genuine prophet, mystic, accomplished yogi, seer and sage, and whoever out of them emerged with all these four gems glittering in his crown.

Friday, September 1, 2017

Flatland Assertions Debunked

I will preface this post by saying I would not be writing about 'debunking flatland',  if my previous attempts at comment-responding to someone's essay on Frank Visser's website  didn't get rejected.(integralworld.net)
I was not at all surprised that happened because what I share doesn't make any sense to one,  who, like his friend D. Lane  is convinced  that science must direct mysticism, not the other way around.
Lane expressed this sentiment in  article titled The Mystical Dimension in this quotesnippet:
       "A crude, yet perhaps accurate, example of this new kind of mysticism (where science directs religion, and not vice versa) can be seen in the analogy of the ocean wave and the bubble..."
He truly means what he asserts because he also said (in same piece)  "The more we examine the mystical the more physical it seems."

*  Folks whose spiritual intelligence is not yet developed have no choice but protect what they know at all cost, because to admit theirs is not the last word, would be  "too heavy a price" to pay.... for it would be, "more than they might be willing to concede!"
 Lane  directed those words  towards  mystics -  I am directing them towards him and all who reject, distort and misrepresent  that which their mental/cognitive mind can't comprehend.

David Lane, Ph.D. wrote: Tangled Phone Lines Why Dawkins Hung Up on Ken Wilber.
I am going to quote excerpts from this article. My intention is to debunk his  belief  that genuine  mystics are delusional.  He is absolutely convinced that "the soul will never be explained for the simple reason that it never existed".
Want to add that,  I have no desire to contact Lane personally because it would be nothing more than exercise  in futility. Been there, done that,  with Frank Visser. 

(But) First,  I want to include few snippets - in Ken Wilber's words, from: A Brief History Of Everything, p.299-300  - on what we mean by 'flatland'.

"the culture gap is not our real problem. The real problem is that we are not allowed to even think about the culture gap. And we are not allowed to think about culture gap because we live in flatland. In flatland, we do not recognize degrees of consciousness and depth and value and worth. Everybody has the same depth, namely, zero.
+
"flatland denies the existence of the vertical dimension altogether, denies interior transformation and transcendence altogether, denies the nine or so interior stages of consciousness development that is truly part of culture's human capital, but is not even entered on the ledgers of flatland.
+
And the point is, you cannot integrate the Big Three in flatland. In flatland, they remain dissociated at best, collapsed at worst. And no system that we are aware of has ever gone limping into the future with these types of massive internal dissociation's. If these chaotic tensions do not lead to self-transcendence, they will lead to self-dissolution. Those are the two gruesome choices evolution has always offered at each vertical emergent.

                                                                             *

In Lane's words:  "I don't necessarily think that mystics and skeptics should depart company and go on their respective ways, but I do think that if they seriously communicate with each other something is bound to give. And what each side may have to give up is more than they might be willing to concede!   For example, take a mystic in the Sant Mat tradition, such as late Kripal Singh (who Ken Wilber once cited as the "unsurpassed master of subtle realm"), who practiced and ancient yogic technique known as shabd yoga wherein one listens to a divine inner sound which reportedly transports the soul into higher regions of bliss beyond the body and the mind. The theological framework undergirding much of Kripal Singh's practice (which dates back centuries through such practitioners as Tulsi Sahib, Kabir, and Guru Nanak) states emphatically that the inner shabd (or inner sound) is not physical or brain produced but is rather divine melody that transcends all physics and the universe. 
But what happens if in studying this phenomenon from a neurological point of view the Sant Mat mystic discovers that such "sacred" music is tinnitus, which may be caused by earwax built up, or nasal allergies, or lower levels serotonin, or any host of physically related ailments.  Does this sort information change the numinous encounter or its interpretation?
  (* I never suffered from any such ailments) 
Are religious movements, predicated on shabd yoga practice, such as Radhasoami, the Divine Light Mission, Eckankar, Quan Yin, MSIA, etc., going to accept such a reductionistic explanation of what erstwhile was regarded as a direct pathway to God-Realization?
I think not. Why? Because the very basis of the practice is centered on the notion that it is a spiritual endeavor  and not merely a cranial one.
   (*I practiced not at all, never heard of shabd yoga, still it happened to me)
In other words, if a mystic is serious about studying the subject scientifically it means that he or she may have to radically revise their understanding and prior theological dogmas about what is actually happening when they undergo a transformation of consciousness.
  (* how predictable! - for a flatlander  'spiritual sciences' is nothing more than delusional goo)
(.....skip)

The scientific study of mysticism may replace some deeply cherished ideas. Some which maybe so cherished that their very elimination will be too heavy a price for some.
  (* you will never acknowledge your delusions, this is why we/I don't have any desire to change your mind, Lane)

Francis Crick has already suggested that the soul will never be explained for the simple reason that it never existed. (...)
I think there is a reason Ken Wilber and Richard  Dawkins don't talk.  Or, if they do, why Richard Dawkins would have to hang up on Wilber.
 (*  seems very obvious to me -  Dawkins said that mystical revelation is  "the enemy of truth").

Ken Wilber still wants to believe in mystic "goo". He wants a cosmic feeling good story, even if his flowery description of the same doesn't have even an ounce of scientific credibility. (...)
Wilber wants us to believe in fairy tales, even if dressed up in pseudo-scientific jargon  (....)
Dawkins on the other hand wants us to finally grow up and admit what we have secretly thought for a long time. We were wrong about the gods and we were wrong about ourselves. Yes, mysticism can indeed be studied, but I think we might be a little shocked to see how different it looks when we take off its mystic garb."
quoted from: integralworld.net/lane8.html

                                                                   *
Final thought on what I think about those who think Soul-level revelations (Depth data) is the product of delusional mind.  .  .
 Because your spiritual intelligence is not yet developed, you are NOT qualified to pass judgments on those of us who know better. 
I absolutely second what Aurobindo said with reference to those whose  drive for winning is insatiable:
The mind shies from complex cognitive work, the higher vital wants the freedom to fulfill its ambition, the lower vital loves to indulge in its petty deeds, etc. As each of those defects is identified and relinquished, the psychic flame burns with ever-new intensity creating a palpable in various parts of the being.


I didn't study and practiced anything. I didn't know about 'Shabd Yoga', still  I bear witness to what Kabir  wrote about it - because it happened to me.  I had unsolicited Kundalini awakening and She opened my eras and eyes to spiritual dimensions. 
And I  have proof .   I have a record of talking about mysterious, several notes long  'cosmic chant' in several posts, that lasted about 2 years.  If curious, have a look at  couple of posts written in 2010 -  titled:  Evolution Beyond Supramental Stage?  &  Logos-Cosmic-Manna-Shabd-Crystal Rain


Sunday, August 6, 2017

Soul Science Musings

Earlier this year I chanced upon very interesting information discovered by Lashlo Kortvelyessy -- his claim that Beam is the 5th state of matter  -- which makes sense to me from the Soul sciences perspective.  If curious have a look  http://www.5th-state-of-matter.info/5th-state.html  (will say more below).

I also learned that since only 0.01% is visible/atomic, most of the universe can't be mathematically explained.
Quantum Mechanics can explain certain aspects of reality but not the whole enchilada - because
quantum fields,  particles and space-time, are cognitive extensions of one's perceptual experiences.
Materialists mock  me (in cyber space) for stating that the First Principle (Spirit/Eros/Great Cosmic Power/Supreme Shakti)  and its Supramental Force has a  'built in'  evolutionary drive   (already active in the world).
 This is none other than what some of us call  Divine Energy   (underlying manifest existence).
'Normal' science is not capable of measuring the creator of this Energy.
 I have yet to read anywhere that Divine Bliss (energy) have been discovered  and measured/explained by  the eye of mind and its methods.
 Soul sciences and its (empirical)  Depth data - crossed referenced with the community of the adequate -  and  science and its empiricism,  are two completely different disciplines.
Materialists don't see this and  insist  we are delusional -- that what we say is "woo-woo" crap,  "the enemy of truth" -  in Richard Dawkins words.

Recently I saw and scribbled the following quote penned by Ken Wilber (which I second) and want to include in this post, because it makes perfect sense to me:

You either postulate a supernatural source of which there are two types. One is Platonic given and one is basically theological -- a God or intelligent design -- or you postulate Spirit as immanent, self-transcending drive within evolution itself. And then evolution is Spirit's own unfolding. Not in supranatural, but intra-natural, an immanently natural aspect. And that's basically the position I maintain.


Now,  I will attempt to unpack in simple words why I think Lashlo's Beam in Matter discovery makes sense to me from the Soul sciences perspective. Its essence can be captured with this  phrase:
Atom's heart is ablaze with pure Spirit. . .It is all material and it is all transcendent / spiritual.

I always look to others (community of the adequate) for verification of my Depth's data and its contemplative conclusions. Today I want to include (again)  the following verse attributed to writer of The Dead Sea scrolls:

I have reached the inner vision through Thy Spirit in me
I have heard Thy Wondrous secret, through Thy mystic insight

Thou has caused a spring of knowledge to well within me
a fountain of power, pouring forth living waters
A flood of love and all embracing wisdom
Like the splendour of eternal light.


If that person was alive still, I would have liked to compare  notes with. . . I would like to confirm for her/him the validity of this claim by sharing how I came to know the 'splendour of...'  etc.. I would say,  I-Soul witnessed flowing out of my Crown chakra 'splendour of eternal light' into world's hologram via subtle planes (for the benefit of all beings, for the benefit of evolution of consciousness, documented in post titled:  The River of Light (May 2010)
If curious. . .
www.spiritspeaks-theofilia.blogspot.ca/2010/05/river-of-light.html

Friday, July 21, 2017

Real or Fantasy-Constructions

* Edit-added link (bottom post)

I became active in one Facebook group -  and it has been  challenging.
Yesterday one member  insisted that what I share is nothing more but a delusional fantasy: In his words,  "nothing but stories that you tell yourself".
I assured him that what I share was never meant for him (and his pals)  to see. He made many nonsensical comments (with regard to my character).  In his last attempt to discredit me (yesterday) he posted (for me) link to an article about "new age bullshit".
He feels it is his duty to protect the membership from my "bullshit".  I get  why he does that, and told him so.
Today, I responded to his  indirectly  pointing finger in my direction,  the following accusation:
 We are free because there is no transcendent law (skip) But to protect ourselves from this insight we build various fantasy-construction of the ground of freedom (God, Nature, Consciousness, Being) as defensive mechanisms.

This is what I wrote in response:

Perchance, instead of the names you used (God, etc.) the term 'Lords Love' might be more palpable to someone like you?  St Catherine of Genoa - 15th century Christian mystic - described how she "received" in her heart "the wound of the unmeasured Love of God", which shook her very core of being. . .after which she exclaimed:   'O Love, can it be that thou has called me with so great a love, and made me know in one instant that which words cannot express?'
She is one among many other mystics who discovered within their innermost sanctuary (eternal self-Soul) that 'God is LOVE'. This type of experience is not hallucination. . .I know this because this happened to me.

Gopi Krishna - 20th century mystic and philosopher - described what happened to him:
     'It was in my thirty fourth year, seventeen years after starting meditation, that I had my first experience of transcendental consciousness. It was in the winter, about the time of Christmas. I was meditating early in the morning when suddenly I found something giving way as if a new aperture had opened, and I felt an energy rising up my spinal cord. At first I was terrified, and my attention went to the sensation caused by the energy.

*  I had same experience, minus being 'terrified'.

At that moment the vision ceased. Then I again concentrated, and ultimately I managed to keep my attention focused at the crown of my head, while the energy rose upward, through the spinal cord, to the neck and then into my head. I then suddenly found that a stream of silvery light was pouring into my brain. 

* I had similar 'silver light' experiences.

There was a sound like thunder or like a waterfall in my ear, and it grew louder and louder. At the same time, I began to expand.

*  I had same experience in 1994ish, and named it  Thundering Combustion Experience. It was a full-blown out of mortal body experience. I thought the force of this Energy would kill me which compelled me to utter "God be with me!"

I cannot describe exactly what I mean by this, but it seemed that my consciousness was now gaining a wider and wider space, and I was leaving my body behind and projecting myself, spreading myself, all around in the universe. My body grew dimmer and dimmer, and I could hardly hear any noises coming from the street. I remained totally engrossed in the vision that was now unfolding before me. It was the vision of a silvery luster, alive, living, vibrant with life, conscious and spread all around me. The small self that was "I" seemed to become like a point of awareness, watching this great personality that had now developed and seemed to encompass the whole universe.

* In my response-comment I didn't mention that the sensation of 'spreading everywhere' - in my case - felt like I was (literally)  endlessly flowing out of myself . One of those incredibly blissful sensation.

I was like a small cork floating in an ocean of consciousness, aware of the whole surface surface at every point of the compass. I felt myself expanding more and more, and this expansion was attended by a happiness that is not possible to describe.

*   Similar thing happened to me this is why I have been known to say "my chakra system/nervous system uncoiled to infinity".  I described this experience in Spirit Speaks in post titled "The River of Light - in May 2010?
Because of experience like this, we see the Many through the eyes of the One. It is because of these types of experiences I have the ability to give Shaktipat (transmission - which is trans-mental  experience of non-duality.
Example: During hands-on Energy balancing one student pleaded from that deep 'under' state "Hold me, I'm scared".  I asked why and she said "I'm so small".  After the session she told me she was terrified because she was  'just a speck in black vastness'.
When that happened to me first time, I (literally) felt a 'shift' sensation in my brain. . .the immensity of this CONSCIOUS INTELLIGENCE startled me, but by then I had even more 'scary' experiences, and was able to remain conscious.
The Tibetan Book of the Dead (translated by A.E. Thurman) has the following description of this 'blackness' (I named poetically The Womb of Creation).

In the seventh dissolution (death), the stage of imminence, the two drops meet at the heart and enclose the consciousness; one perceives the sky full of bright dark-light, or pure darkness, and then one looses consciousness.... 

*  This is also why I say I am (also) "A voyager into the soul" - Thurman's term for same as "psychonaut" - I like it! In his words description of what it signifies.

A "voyager into the soul," an apt term for the Buddhist adept, who voluntarily abandons the pseudo-security of this planet of delusion, with its solid ground of ordinary, individuated suffering, to launch herself through the death-dissolutions into the subtle between-states to deepen her wisdom by exploring the unconscious and to expand her compassionate heroism by serving universes of beings on the subtle level, and then returns to the ordinary embodiment of the adept to assist her contemporaries.

                                          *
If curious, including link to post titled 'Divine, You Report From the Divine'  - which describes  what some of the  'voyaging into the soul' experiences were like for me.
www.spiritspeaks-theofilia.blogspot.ca/2010/05/divine-you-report-from-divine.html

May this be helpful as you journey into the depths of your being!  Be bold.