Today, finally I convinced myself to write about my (ex) sister-in-law's last wish. . .
This story can make sense only to one who believes that what I share is true. This story will make more sense if I share a bit of her bio-material.
D. was rejected by her teen birth-mother. . .One of her adopted grandmothers referred to her as "she", or "her", because she "preferred boys" - said her mom not all phased.
"She never cried when getting whipped on bare bum, which I thought was very strange", said her brother - adding, "Guess she didn't want to give him the satisfaction." Going through mom's underwear drawer got her in trouble but the punishment had to wait till dad came come...
Through the week the mother kept track of their adopted kids misbehaviour's, on weekend when the father came home, his job was to whip some sense into them with a beating ritual whose opening line was command "take your underpants off and lay across my lap".
In her 40's D. found her birth mother who after a couple of meetings decided to move to BC to live with her son.
From birth mother she found out who her father was and same year she contacted him. They met once in person. He lived in BC and from there he sent D. a word-glowing letter . It was several pages long, I read it and it got me all teary-eye . Filled to brim with: "wish I could have been there for you" "you are such a beautiful person inside and out", sentiments. . . Full of hope they might "spend summers together".
Her face aglow sharing her vision that soon this will come to pass (because) "I can just see us sail together on his boat...."
I thought that many page letter was written from his heart and it couldn't have been more heart-tugging.
Weeks later D. received "I'm sorry"word from her birth father announcing his wife's wish is that he severs all ties with her.
And that was that. No more dreams of a father-figure capable of showing emotion who wanted to make up for the time lost.
Her health began a downward spiral . . . Several times, during normal family conversation (at in-laws - she lived w/them) she would say "I can't stomach that" to no one in particular.
Her (gut/bowel) disease began turning her bones into mush. In the last year of her life sneezing was dangerous. Once she sneezed and her thigh bone broke.
The ambulance folks got a call to take her to the hospital and had to call another ambulance to help them. Her wailing screams filled with concern the neighbors. Not only was her thigh bone broken, now she wailed in agony because her arm got broken when the ambulance crew tried to lift her unto the stretcher.
I'm just highlighting few things to give a sense just how very ill her body was.
She claimed to have been allergic to a lot of good fresh foods --- but hot dogs, Pepsi and cigarettes she loved.
She was interested in herbal remedies but never tried anything. She knew about "energy healing" and once I offered to place my hands on her sore knees, but she pretended no to hear me.
I didn't see her often during those last few months she was in hospital. Her brother did often visit her after work ( he worked in same city.)
Despite being heavily medicated D. begged the hospital staff not to touch, or move her -- not even to change the sheets. And when they did, she had to be heavily sedated.
Towards the end she hasn't been able to speak (for several weeks) let alone sit or eat, still the worried mom asked (on the parking lot) D's bone specialist if she "will walk again". He gently told her that he never saw anything like it, and there was nothing more that he, she, or anyone else could do to help her.
Her twisted and shrunken body lay motionless towards the end and one could literally smell the disease (she had severe case of "bed sores" also).
In June at dawn one day, I heard behind me D's excited voice say my name. I glanced at the clock made a mental note of the time, thinking "this is it" -- thinking she died.
My ex worked the afternoon shift that day and later called the mom, but she acted 'normal' .
I was relieved and couldn't wait to see D. still alive (same day) .
Her, ever-by-her-side, beautifully illustrated Bible was put away. Her lifeless body and staring (without blinking) eyes wide open, still responding when asked something by uttering barely audible grunts.
I asked her brother to find her Bible (which took a while) and I spoke to her about God's love. I asked if she wanted me to read for her from her bible and she indicated 'yes'. Not at all sure which passages I was supposed to read, but chose the Gospel of John and read for a little while.
After reading, I talked tenderly to her a bit more and asked if I could gently place my hands on her body . . .She was unresponsive, but I took it to mean that maybe she dozed off (even tho her staring eyes were open) and proceeded to scan her energy field and gently placing hands here and there. . .At some point I looked at her face, saw her clenched jaw, and stopped instantly.
Next, while sipping coffee the hallway we got approached by a very pleasant Pastor-man who asked if there was anything he could do for us.
I asked if he could read from the Bible for D. . .
Like me, he also asked D. if she would like him to read for her.... Once again, she indicated 'yes'.
We prayed at the end, the Pastor left, and a nurse came in to top off her morphine.
Minutes later husband and I decided that it was time to go home. I said bye first, then while her brother was still next to D. , when suddenly at the top of her voice she screamed "grab me!!!!"
This time I gently placed my hands on her heart chakra with, "this is what it feels like when the soul is leaves the body". (that 'soaring' movement I knew well.)
I knew well, that at the speed of meta-light that 'soaring' feeling/sensation were experienced during ecstatic moments -- which if memory serves me right Hildegard of Bingen described also.
She passed peacefully few days later.
& & & &
yes . . .
ReplyDelete